perverted privacy peeves

for all it's worth, it seems i cannot afford any amount of privacy, without some freak looking over my shoulder, prying into my stuff. Especially in cyber cafes, some people just can't stop their eyes from wandering

this perverted freak keeps stealing peeks into my monitor like he has no business to do.

  oh great now he is leaning into my space, my zone, my FREAKING atmosphere. that's just awesome,  is that his breath down my neck? i swear im gonna go all gangster on him if he keeps staring at what im TYPING

     what the hell! this jerk is now korrecting my spelling misteks..that is just plain rude..u r nt my spell cheker dummy..remove your filthy fat fingers off the monitor!! 

what now..stop calling the secretary, for heavens sake, we can sort out our own business. STOP IT, MORON! You are the one who needs to be thrown out, stop being such an idiot. Lets have some coffee after this and forget it ever happened, ok? ..no?

   im not dumb my friend, i express my feelings better in writing, that's all. so please tell the secretary to go away now...NO?

  ..lemme just put the last words..NO?

STOP PULLING MY HAND!! UR SO STURBONNNNNNNNNN SOIFHLOSC; [F["''@@@$3$#

of boys and girls

picture this....
(sweet mexican sing sing-oh yeah like in those stupid soaps)bored to death boy approaches  girl at a rowdy Kogelo vs Ingwe game-names with held, don't ask don't tell rule applies here

Boy: hello there beautiful, what's your name?
Girl: (chewing curd or gum,boy can't tell which) Nan'ya..
Boy: wow that is a nice name (trying to be nice) Nan'ya who?
Girl: Nan'ya bizniz dumb ass...
(girl punches boy in the face..blah blah..boy ends up in jail for disrupting major league game and causing a stampede)

TWO YEARS LATER..      
boy is out after two years in max security correctional center and, better believe it..its another much anticipated Kogelo vs Ingwe fixture. The guy needs a little treat for himself so he buys a ticket at the stands.it is the last one. Pretty girl with stupid smile at the gate approaches happy boy

Girl: hello handsome...could u be as kind as to give me your ticko..(trying to look sweet-fluttering her eyes and all) aki imagine i lost mine
Boy: im so sorry..but i need to go, they are about to close the gate and i..
Girl: im begging you sir..aki woiye pleaaase!(she kneels down clutching his trousers and cries like a big baby)
(boy freaks out and pushes her away)
      The lady rolls over and screams like crazy..everything stops and all eyes-burning with fury- turn to the perplexed dude..tereng tereng!!
     The dude is lynched by angry mob for 'allegedly' assaulting a lady at a respectful Kogelo match. President thanks the fans on national television for their show of solidarity against rowdy football fans.
 THE END....
    Oh, before i forget, no characters in this work of fiction whatsoever under no circumstances are to be alluded to the writer or his imaginary friend.
     

it's a dog's life

I have known him for some time now, much as he can relate to the connection that we share. His entire life is catalogued in almost precise detail in the winding corridors of my mind like a biblical psalm. As long as i can remember, he has been part of our family almost as a brother though he bears larger canines, has a lot more hair and walks on all fours. My dad loves him the most, practically raising him all by himself alongside his sons and their is not one day his quadripedal friend went hungry.
He says it's time we said goodbye but the idea of Bingo's foretold demise escapes my imagination as i picture this grim scenario. I mean, he is only fifteen and it is just yesterday he was the tiny pup running around chasing his tail, squabbling for superiority with others as he came of age all the while protecting our home from all manner of danger as we peacefully slumbered.
I remember our hunting escapades with fellow village boys with heartbreaking nostalgia. Those were the nimble and playful times of the now old dying dog. Honestly, he sucked at it though he was pretty much faster than the others and it was quite obvious he just came along for the ride or the company, he never said which but he made sure we always went home empty handed. The damn dog would give a heated chase to a hare and give it up on the verge of clasping the animal in his jaws and run back to the bewildered boys expecting a pat on the head.
Come to think of it, i will terribly miss him. I saw Bingo sire about a dozen pups with other dogs and i also saw him sire a dozen more pups with his own pups and the pups after those pups. Well, we can say he lived a full life-it is a dogs life, so they say but the reality of it is another piece of the puzzle that is life.
Tonight as i stroke his fur, i can see it in his sad, glazed eyes, the poor soul is at the end of the road and their nothing we can do about it. Bingo has not touched his favorite bones, he just stares into the dark night wheezing painfully trying to wag his tail and i doubt that i will ever see him again

sexy sue

Oh i envy u sexy Sue
elegant like a gucci shoe
eyes lovely like the lonely moon
make many a man become a loon
coz u steal their love n leave
but which they willingy give
its not an insinuation
its a direct accusation
and nw bcoz of you
im feeling blue
so today in dead of night
when we are out of sight
show me some lovey-dovey
and i'll teach u how to dougy

cupid quota

Pussy havers n pussy lovers
foragin anda the covers
Lemme tel u a secret
tht wil mk u squel lyk a piglet
all gals want trouble
...jst give em on th double
bt with a real lady
lets call hr Kelly
maybe th one Muigai
she trips many a guy
she dont nd no pamper
jst areal freaky lover
no mindles sensual flatter
th G-spot bounty hunter
is wat she craves,
at th mouth of hr blissful caves
gun cocked n loaded
eager to be guided
into th mystical jungle of feminine intrigue
dnt gt me wrong,
i thot abt it hard n long
bt hit a moist dead end
nw im lost in this erotic realm

THE SAVED SISTER

This pretty bad fella,

Struck the bank without failure

Got himself a saved sister

stroked him without fever

drained deep pockets dear

spat him without fear

And left a brother a bitter tear

granny

            For  you

And now you must stay,

There where the cattle graze

And the thorny roses grey.

As the setting sun with its purple haze

Sets upon you its gloomy ray

I forever miss your dreamy gaze

Staring through my glazed eyes

Memories sharp and cold as ice

Your wicked wheeled throne

That never left you alone

You sing hymns and stroke its arm

Staring into sunshine darkness

God, life’s so straight and senseless.