So today I woke up late (I know even yesterday and the other day), but let’s stick to today ok. Please don’t give me that ‘you are a lazy ass’ look, I have my good reasons, global warming, satisfied? It’s seven and my lecture begins at, well your guess is right my lazy friend, seven. Braving the morning chill, I have to rush to the campus a mile away (well, it feels like one). For your information, I’m very athletic (thank you, ladies I’m flattered) so I walk/jog/run whizzing past traffic and Boda boda militia, mind you these chaps run this town, they are the town.
I am really beside myself with glee here because, men I’m I flying. Evidently making good progress though most of the journey is incomplete and at this point my joints are creaking like crazy but I’m proud of myself. I’m overtaking some grumpy, lazy pedestrians going the opposite way, anyway who can blame them it’s a Monday. I know I won’t make it on time but what the heck, better late like ever right? Right! With this in mind I labor on like the fate of the universe is in my hands, gat to stay strong soldier!!
Here comes the best/worst part depending on the persons concerned. This lady (name withheld) strolls past me…yes, strolls that’s the word. And to think she winked at me! Well, at first I thought it is my amazing good looks (forget the rash, it’s only temporary-I think) then it hit me, first the cold and then the despair. Come on people I’m i really that bad? Oh boy it is that bad, seriously because I have a few flabby appendages that now rouse concern. I think I need to solve this big fat issue ASAP; I have to do something…
No, I don’t have a plan, even better I have confidence. Pardon me, jogging is out of the question this is Africa and the people who do that risk burning on a stake. Let’s explore some 'safer' options, maybe Karate classes but again, my friend’s friends' face has seen better days, thank you people I also kick karate out. Poor guy you should have seen his disfigured visage (honestly looks like something the cow spat out), he has some missing teeth a burst lip and his eyes barely peeping from behind giant golf balls. I dread to envision let alone experience the terrors his work out ‘friends’ unleashed on his puny body. He had unwillingly signed up as a human punching bag, same as being hit by a speeding truck as I see it.
Let us try a sport…I always I had a knack for rugby well, until the incident (classified information) sigh, so much for the next rugby star. I once had a dream, the Kenyan dream, (slow motion people, slow motion) throngs of ladies cheering me on as I sauntered down the pitch dodging opponents diving for the try as the clock timed out. Touch down!! Hurrah...we win and the crowd is in a frenzy. Security futilely restrains wild fans from running into the pitch as the cameras flash away the press scribble away probably writing about my magnificence. Incidentally reality came in and rammed me out of fantasia; I will certainly need the services of shrink to erase the mental horrors. The mere thought of that oval ball gives me the hibby jibbys; I fear the effects may be permanent.
Thou shalt not despair yet, there is a glimmer of hope for me; courtesy of science .Research and a dose of experience has shown that the play station console is a great work out machine, the thumb muscles get the most out of it and not forgetting great reflexes can be achieved in games like Hitman and God of War. It doesn’t end there believe you me; concentration is heightened in racing games and football and as a bonus your IQ stands to gain tremendously. Relax there is more, there are no injuries (except rowdy opponents) but you still burn calories in the process, amazing isn’t it? Anyway if you fancy running from a mob with pitch forks with the excuse that you are jogging hey, who I’m I to object.
See ya friend, a score to settle with Samoa thanks to EA Games and later saving the world with young Potter in the hallways of Hogwarts. Yawn! It’s getting late, but first some Need For Speed won’t do no harm… vroom vroom!!
